The Simple Copy Edit That Will Instantly Improve Your Academic Writing: Replace "While" with a Comma

As an academic copy editor specializing in APA 7 style, I encounter the same issue repeatedly in dissertations and research papers: the overuse and misuse of the word "while." Here's a simple editing strategy that can immediately improve your academic writing's clarity and APA compliance.

The Problem with "While"

Many academic writers use "while" as a catch-all connector, but this word has a specific meaning in formal writing. According to APA guidelines, "while" should primarily indicate simultaneous time—things happening at the same time.

Correct use of "while":

• "While participants completed the survey, researchers recorded response times."

When to Replace "While" with a Comma

You can often replace "while" with a simple comma when:

1. You mean "although" or "whereas"

   • Instead of: "While the results were significant, the effect size was small."

   • Try: "The results were significant, though the effect size was small."

2. You're connecting two related but contrasting ideas

   • Instead of: "While Group A showed improvement, Group B remained stable."

   • Try: "Group A showed improvement, whereas Group B remained stable."

3. You're simply joining two independent clauses

   • Instead of: "While the methodology was sound, while the sample size limited generalizability."

   • Try: "The methodology was sound, but the sample size limited generalizability."

The Simple Comma Strategy

Here's the editing strategy I use:

1. Find every instance of "while" in your document

2. Ask: "Does this indicate simultaneous time?"

3. If not, try replacing with:

   • A simple comma

   • "Although" or "though"

   • "Whereas"

   • "However" with appropriate punctuation

Real Examples from Dissertation Editing

Before: "While previous research established the theoretical framework, while current studies lack empirical validation, while practitioners continue to apply these methods."

After: "Previous research established the theoretical framework, yet current studies lack empirical validation, and practitioners continue to apply these methods."

Before: "While the survey response rate was 78%, some demographic groups were underrepresented."

After: "The survey response rate was 78%, though some demographic groups were underrepresented."

Why This Matters for APA Compliance

APA style emphasizes:

• Clarity and conciseness – Removing unnecessary "while" constructions makes sentences cleaner

• Precise word choice – Using "while" only for temporal relationships improves accuracy

• Professional tone – Varied sentence structures sound more sophisticated

Quick Self-Check

Next time you write "while," pause and ask:

• Am I describing things happening simultaneously?

• If not, what am I really trying to say?

• Would a comma (plus perhaps "though," "whereas," or "however") work better?

This simple strategy has helped countless graduate students and researchers improve their academic writing. Sometimes the smallest edits make the biggest difference in creating clear, professional, APA-compliant prose.

For more academic writing tips and APA guidance, follow along as I share insights from years of dissertation editing and academic copy work.